...nobody notices anyway.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Release your anger
It's very important that you release your anger. When you want to be a future leader, you should be able to show what kind of attitude you have. Never backdown even on an employee with an upskirt. She'll be turned on by your attitude and just grab her later.
Remember, this is all business. You don't have anything to do with the personal life of this woman. And during Performance Appraisal, just tell your boss that he doesn't want to ask again, because you are the brother of Hannibal and half-brother of Ron Jeremy.
Again, poker face is the key while you're doing all this.
Remember, this is all business. You don't have anything to do with the personal life of this woman. And during Performance Appraisal, just tell your boss that he doesn't want to ask again, because you are the brother of Hannibal and half-brother of Ron Jeremy.
Again, poker face is the key while you're doing all this.
How to make yourself invulnerable
This is the kind of attitude which should make your boss and mediocre teammates scared to death because you are very unpredictable. Remember: Predictable people are easy preys.
A straightforward approach for not being intimidated by anyone.
And you're not prone for any insinuations.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Wake up naive - Preventing knowledge slavery.
So it gets me frustrated whenever I see emails where "know-how" people are sending emails for the sake of being informing something that people obviously know, and that they will send it even though they know that other people know it in the most detailed discussion. And who will be the victim for this rhetoric? The naive ones.
If you are a naive creature, be very careful and I'm with you. You are just in a state where you are enslaved to the blindness where the know-how people do not want you to be free. Maybe you just need a little bit of catalytic words that would set your mind free from the knowledge slavery.
You are a victim of knowledge slavery if you are:
1. Just accepting the emails of this know-how people and not being able to deduce what's inside it.
2. You attend meetings where the know-how individual will always look good even though what he is saying should just be a one-click mouse button and everything has already been done before by true great ones**.
3. The know-hows will always send the FYIs, emails, and reports where all the knowledge and research CAME FROM YOU!
I've stressed so much for #3, because you are working your ass of, when the know-hows will parasitically absorb and eat the accolades that he can get out of it. Anyway, if you're all in this category, then it's time for you to wake up. Do not let anyone enslave you from non-sensical retorts for you yourself should have a mind of your own. And you yourself has a strategy of your own.
Things that you can do to send the non-sense know-hows to the deepeset well where they can't come back to you again:
1. Be a snob. And look focused on your workstation. You can execute this by chanting a certain kind of mantra, like "Ooh gala ooh bumba bumba ooh!!". You're colleague's face will instantly turn pale for he didn't know that such a chant is existing and this world and he'll be so envious he didn't even get to learn it, but you know it!
2. AGAIN, poker face is the key! These know-hows are seeing opportunities for naive looking creatures. And poker faces combined with #1 is a strong personality that you are someone who can't be broken into pieces.
3. And the most important - Do not give out all trade secrets for what you've researched. It's a fact - these know-hows thrive into knowledge that will make them look good. Share to them information where they won't even be able to articulate a correct subject-verb-agreement. Say very simple keywords like - "This feature is very arousing". They won't be able to extract anything good out of it and won't be able to form any jargons at all.
So don't be like the passive whale where the little fishes will feast on your big catches. Be the enraged shark that eats everything and just give bones for leftovers.
** There's a separate topic for the true great ones.
If you are a naive creature, be very careful and I'm with you. You are just in a state where you are enslaved to the blindness where the know-how people do not want you to be free. Maybe you just need a little bit of catalytic words that would set your mind free from the knowledge slavery.
You are a victim of knowledge slavery if you are:
1. Just accepting the emails of this know-how people and not being able to deduce what's inside it.
2. You attend meetings where the know-how individual will always look good even though what he is saying should just be a one-click mouse button and everything has already been done before by true great ones**.
3. The know-hows will always send the FYIs, emails, and reports where all the knowledge and research CAME FROM YOU!
I've stressed so much for #3, because you are working your ass of, when the know-hows will parasitically absorb and eat the accolades that he can get out of it. Anyway, if you're all in this category, then it's time for you to wake up. Do not let anyone enslave you from non-sensical retorts for you yourself should have a mind of your own. And you yourself has a strategy of your own.
Things that you can do to send the non-sense know-hows to the deepeset well where they can't come back to you again:
1. Be a snob. And look focused on your workstation. You can execute this by chanting a certain kind of mantra, like "Ooh gala ooh bumba bumba ooh!!". You're colleague's face will instantly turn pale for he didn't know that such a chant is existing and this world and he'll be so envious he didn't even get to learn it, but you know it!
2. AGAIN, poker face is the key! These know-hows are seeing opportunities for naive looking creatures. And poker faces combined with #1 is a strong personality that you are someone who can't be broken into pieces.
3. And the most important - Do not give out all trade secrets for what you've researched. It's a fact - these know-hows thrive into knowledge that will make them look good. Share to them information where they won't even be able to articulate a correct subject-verb-agreement. Say very simple keywords like - "This feature is very arousing". They won't be able to extract anything good out of it and won't be able to form any jargons at all.
So don't be like the passive whale where the little fishes will feast on your big catches. Be the enraged shark that eats everything and just give bones for leftovers.
** There's a separate topic for the true great ones.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Giving Feedback and Appraisal - Performance Evaluation
Character Development
So have you given the latest appraisal for your teammates and team members? Appraisal period is synonymous to revenge period. This is the time when you are able to express all the angst that you've been keeping for quite some time in the realm, called office. If you're in a company where you are given the chance to give feedback to other employees, do not waste any countless efforts into it and do the following:
1. Make sure that you've consulted your sarcastic conscience.
2. You've been able to call all the bad spirits that exist even in Greek Mythology.
3. You've known the "hierarchy" in the office.
4. You've practiced the art of anonymity.
Of all, most important are 3 and 4. Followed by 1 and 2. If you want a very constructive way of delivering feedback for your teammates (even for indirect teammates), then here's your chance to do #'s 1 to 4.
Your sarcastic conscience is very important as it will give you the sense of complete wrecking of an individual's careeer. For example, "He has the most number of words that have been sent in a single email for nearly a decade of my career! It was magnificent." Or, something like "She has been very supportive to us that she stares 30 minutes staring to my 2 sentence email. She never fails to read all the details.". Such mindset would be very helpful as a first step to set the tone of your thought.
Call the bad spirits. By default, you are a good person and you might appear like an ass kisser when giving feedback. You shouldn't be. A champion ass kisser will never ever give a constructive feedback. If you were in the spirit of the most hated creatures, like Frankenstein or Dr. Jekyll, then you're in for the most bizarre yet convicted feedback. Like, "For quite some time, I've been seeing him playing with his nails, and apparently biting it, and I don't know, I think he's swallowing a portion of it." Or go into the detail of - "I don't know if he just always worries for his team, but he used to scratch his head as if there's always a big problem in his team, but I also noticed that there were more dandruff flakes than aircon dust in his desk."
Know the hierarchy - Once you've established the proper mindset, it's very important that you know what you are hitting. If you are hitting someone who is on the higher level, immediately go to number 4. Otherwise, ensure that you've collected all #'s 1 and 2. The order doesn't really matter because if you've already got the mindset, then order would be last to think about as every comment that you have will always be a highlight.
The art of anonymity - Why? Most of the times, those that are in the higher position are more prone to being emotional. Those dolts would always appear calm (remember the poker face principle - see label poker face), but they will always have the last laugh. And you will never want to be a moving target for a homing missile. Those in the higher level are always aiming for vengeance, but how do you handle such? Higher position would always want "results", so portray a sarcastic, whimsical, and low-level acting as a "result". For example, coughing hard as if a phlegm won't come out in the middle of the day. Or, twisting your fingers and point and whisper (loud) that you are having a carpal tunnel. Walk as if you're crippled after being assigned of a hard task. During Fridays, drink lots of water and sprinkle a little bit of it onto your face while in front of the computer. Then after doing all those acts, go to the portal of "anonymous feedbacks" where you should write one and write the most cynical feedback you wanted too, then send a separate email to your higher beings of all praises, and that will sell! Your higher being will feel worried, there's an ill employee that he can't handle well because he's such a bad administrator, and on the other side, he'll be downtrodded he doesn't even know the evil maniac who just sent a note that his nose looks like he's the son of Jackie Chan and a female Pinnochio. But you are still the best employee in the world for the effort and passion that you are showing as a "result".
So, good luck and always be constructive.
So have you given the latest appraisal for your teammates and team members? Appraisal period is synonymous to revenge period. This is the time when you are able to express all the angst that you've been keeping for quite some time in the realm, called office. If you're in a company where you are given the chance to give feedback to other employees, do not waste any countless efforts into it and do the following:
1. Make sure that you've consulted your sarcastic conscience.
2. You've been able to call all the bad spirits that exist even in Greek Mythology.
3. You've known the "hierarchy" in the office.
4. You've practiced the art of anonymity.
Of all, most important are 3 and 4. Followed by 1 and 2. If you want a very constructive way of delivering feedback for your teammates (even for indirect teammates), then here's your chance to do #'s 1 to 4.
Your sarcastic conscience is very important as it will give you the sense of complete wrecking of an individual's careeer. For example, "He has the most number of words that have been sent in a single email for nearly a decade of my career! It was magnificent." Or, something like "She has been very supportive to us that she stares 30 minutes staring to my 2 sentence email. She never fails to read all the details.". Such mindset would be very helpful as a first step to set the tone of your thought.
Call the bad spirits. By default, you are a good person and you might appear like an ass kisser when giving feedback. You shouldn't be. A champion ass kisser will never ever give a constructive feedback. If you were in the spirit of the most hated creatures, like Frankenstein or Dr. Jekyll, then you're in for the most bizarre yet convicted feedback. Like, "For quite some time, I've been seeing him playing with his nails, and apparently biting it, and I don't know, I think he's swallowing a portion of it." Or go into the detail of - "I don't know if he just always worries for his team, but he used to scratch his head as if there's always a big problem in his team, but I also noticed that there were more dandruff flakes than aircon dust in his desk."
Know the hierarchy - Once you've established the proper mindset, it's very important that you know what you are hitting. If you are hitting someone who is on the higher level, immediately go to number 4. Otherwise, ensure that you've collected all #'s 1 and 2. The order doesn't really matter because if you've already got the mindset, then order would be last to think about as every comment that you have will always be a highlight.
The art of anonymity - Why? Most of the times, those that are in the higher position are more prone to being emotional. Those dolts would always appear calm (remember the poker face principle - see label poker face), but they will always have the last laugh. And you will never want to be a moving target for a homing missile. Those in the higher level are always aiming for vengeance, but how do you handle such? Higher position would always want "results", so portray a sarcastic, whimsical, and low-level acting as a "result". For example, coughing hard as if a phlegm won't come out in the middle of the day. Or, twisting your fingers and point and whisper (loud) that you are having a carpal tunnel. Walk as if you're crippled after being assigned of a hard task. During Fridays, drink lots of water and sprinkle a little bit of it onto your face while in front of the computer. Then after doing all those acts, go to the portal of "anonymous feedbacks" where you should write one and write the most cynical feedback you wanted too, then send a separate email to your higher beings of all praises, and that will sell! Your higher being will feel worried, there's an ill employee that he can't handle well because he's such a bad administrator, and on the other side, he'll be downtrodded he doesn't even know the evil maniac who just sent a note that his nose looks like he's the son of Jackie Chan and a female Pinnochio. But you are still the best employee in the world for the effort and passion that you are showing as a "result".
So, good luck and always be constructive.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Assholes and Ass Kissers the Series
If there were any shenanigans and mole-looking species in the realm called office that would ruin your day, then those would be the assholes and the ass-kissers. If you've worked for centuries, then you should've encountered those two special kinds of creatures.
They are very hard to conquer because they have all the styles in the world to own you and proliferate. Even during the prehistoric ages, assholes and ass-kissers already existed. I'm quite sure that before the wheel has been invented, a butt-looking, goat worshiper, and ass-kissing creature has been following the one who have led the invention of the wheel. As you can see, the wheel has been invented in Mesopotamia, but I'm theorizing otherwise, because there could be an asshole historian who could've reversed history that instead of the Chinese (who should have the most number of people in the world) have already mass produced the wheel during that time. Now me, acting the role of the asshole has reversed history, and if nobody had a basis or cultural bureaucratic press release to follow, then my history should have been what's being used now.
Either way, before the wheel has been invented and subsequently reinvented, a lot of assholes and ass kissers have played big roles to either:
1. Conquer the works of others
2. Delay the delivery
3. Make themselves look good
In the realm called office, these blood sucking individuals are really great at number 3. They just make themselves look very good. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, they should always have the last word. The email that they should be sending should be something that dictates a command. They should've used a lot of jargon that only their insensible community would understand and even the geeks sitting right beside you won't even comprehend.
The ultimate talent of these individuals should be acting. You cannot be a successful asshole if you don't know how to be irate or stealer of someone's accomplishment by saying the last few sentences of someone who constructed the complete thoughts into it. You cannot be a successful ass kisser if you won't know how to act as if you'll always kiss the ground and scrub your lips to the ground while your boss is walking around and at the very spur of the moment when the wind just stopped breezing, you just cried in awe - "boss, i just knew how to tie a knot!".
Moreover, these individuals have great timing. Notice your alien office mates who are always on "leadership discussions", basically they are talking of nothing or something that could be finished in 5 minutes, but they discuss in 1 hour. But why are they existing there? It's because of good timing. A good asshole represents a very timely person. Never did they miss an everyday conversation to look busy, while you are having climbing your way to score to your long paragraphed checklist of things to do.
Of course, assholes and ass kissers should be very creative to do all these, but while they are streaking on their way to make your life miserable, I can give you a few tips to make them pee in their pajamas everyday:
1. Never anyone can beat a poker face. Poker face is king!
2. Slam your desk every now and then. Try to put some intervals - like every 10 minutes. That will make you very intimidating that even the a-holes a-kissers won't even mind to bother you or put you to a slander
3. Speak to them with one-liner statements. Like, "Yes", "Alright", "K". That will wreak havoc in their brains not knowing where is your weakness. They won't even know what your emotions are if you combine this with number 1.
Be creative on stumping these creatures
They are very hard to conquer because they have all the styles in the world to own you and proliferate. Even during the prehistoric ages, assholes and ass-kissers already existed. I'm quite sure that before the wheel has been invented, a butt-looking, goat worshiper, and ass-kissing creature has been following the one who have led the invention of the wheel. As you can see, the wheel has been invented in Mesopotamia, but I'm theorizing otherwise, because there could be an asshole historian who could've reversed history that instead of the Chinese (who should have the most number of people in the world) have already mass produced the wheel during that time. Now me, acting the role of the asshole has reversed history, and if nobody had a basis or cultural bureaucratic press release to follow, then my history should have been what's being used now.
Either way, before the wheel has been invented and subsequently reinvented, a lot of assholes and ass kissers have played big roles to either:
1. Conquer the works of others
2. Delay the delivery
3. Make themselves look good
In the realm called office, these blood sucking individuals are really great at number 3. They just make themselves look very good. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, they should always have the last word. The email that they should be sending should be something that dictates a command. They should've used a lot of jargon that only their insensible community would understand and even the geeks sitting right beside you won't even comprehend.
The ultimate talent of these individuals should be acting. You cannot be a successful asshole if you don't know how to be irate or stealer of someone's accomplishment by saying the last few sentences of someone who constructed the complete thoughts into it. You cannot be a successful ass kisser if you won't know how to act as if you'll always kiss the ground and scrub your lips to the ground while your boss is walking around and at the very spur of the moment when the wind just stopped breezing, you just cried in awe - "boss, i just knew how to tie a knot!".
Moreover, these individuals have great timing. Notice your alien office mates who are always on "leadership discussions", basically they are talking of nothing or something that could be finished in 5 minutes, but they discuss in 1 hour. But why are they existing there? It's because of good timing. A good asshole represents a very timely person. Never did they miss an everyday conversation to look busy, while you are having climbing your way to score to your long paragraphed checklist of things to do.
Of course, assholes and ass kissers should be very creative to do all these, but while they are streaking on their way to make your life miserable, I can give you a few tips to make them pee in their pajamas everyday:
1. Never anyone can beat a poker face. Poker face is king!
2. Slam your desk every now and then. Try to put some intervals - like every 10 minutes. That will make you very intimidating that even the a-holes a-kissers won't even mind to bother you or put you to a slander
3. Speak to them with one-liner statements. Like, "Yes", "Alright", "K". That will wreak havoc in their brains not knowing where is your weakness. They won't even know what your emotions are if you combine this with number 1.
Be creative on stumping these creatures
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Being In Control
Being in control
Sometimes you'll feel that you're heart is being squeezed up to the point that you've noticed that your blood pressure is going high up the cylinder and the next last thing you'll know is that you're being controlled.
There are employees in the realm called office that would always want to be control.Take the terms:
- Obssessive Compulsive
- Quality Control
- Supervisor
- Leaders
- Assistant to a leader
- Center of the universe
- The "observer"
- Nerve of the company
There's still a lot of terms to associate to control, but they only have one goal - to choke out the remaining gas in your body - and yes, that's include fart.
When you are in a situation that you're working with people would want to be in control, then you are in very big trouble. They would always want to check what you're doing. They would dread that you're not being participative even though you just missed a fraction of the instructions that the person has mentioned. In so many ways, these "control hogs" can gain control like the Persian conquerors that they can eventually swarm over your comfort zone and gain your place to be their place.
Of course when that happens, you are now considered as a living dead and you will eventually become a slave of what you used to own. These "control hogs" are of course not really hard to torment. There are a variety of ways that you can do in order to overcome the relentless assault of these predators:
1. Again, poker face is the key. They wouldn't know where they will attack. They won't even know if the person is becoming frustrated or being happy with the instructions they are imposing.
Take into consideration the ratio: Level of your Frustration over the Level of Satisfaction of the Tormentor. The more you become frustrated, the more the control hogs would be energized.
2. Follow the instructions...that you like. This would simply mean - get the best details that you can use to turbo boost your career and trash out those that are stressful for your way. Remember, you have to take things your way, not their way. The reason you reached this reading is because you are now somehow a "smart guy" who knows what practical or not.
3. If there's a conflict of interest on some of the instructions on #2, do #1.
Keep in mind that control hogs will always feast on something that they can take over. These people are mistakenly known to be quality-oriented and excellent individuals, but they are simply getting on to fix mistakes which will make them look good, when it means that those mistakes by another person will always make the person (control hogs) who fixed it look good, when the person who fixed it just patched a little piece of what the previous person took hard to accomplish only to have an add-on by another person for them to look good. And of course, that gives them the great image and privilege to be in control. And you should be confused by this point because I don't want you to be in control of what I've written.
Just don't get yourself doomed.
Sometimes you'll feel that you're heart is being squeezed up to the point that you've noticed that your blood pressure is going high up the cylinder and the next last thing you'll know is that you're being controlled.
There are employees in the realm called office that would always want to be control.Take the terms:
- Obssessive Compulsive
- Quality Control
- Supervisor
- Leaders
- Assistant to a leader
- Center of the universe
- The "observer"
- Nerve of the company
There's still a lot of terms to associate to control, but they only have one goal - to choke out the remaining gas in your body - and yes, that's include fart.
When you are in a situation that you're working with people would want to be in control, then you are in very big trouble. They would always want to check what you're doing. They would dread that you're not being participative even though you just missed a fraction of the instructions that the person has mentioned. In so many ways, these "control hogs" can gain control like the Persian conquerors that they can eventually swarm over your comfort zone and gain your place to be their place.
Of course when that happens, you are now considered as a living dead and you will eventually become a slave of what you used to own. These "control hogs" are of course not really hard to torment. There are a variety of ways that you can do in order to overcome the relentless assault of these predators:
1. Again, poker face is the key. They wouldn't know where they will attack. They won't even know if the person is becoming frustrated or being happy with the instructions they are imposing.
Take into consideration the ratio: Level of your Frustration over the Level of Satisfaction of the Tormentor. The more you become frustrated, the more the control hogs would be energized.
2. Follow the instructions...that you like. This would simply mean - get the best details that you can use to turbo boost your career and trash out those that are stressful for your way. Remember, you have to take things your way, not their way. The reason you reached this reading is because you are now somehow a "smart guy" who knows what practical or not.
3. If there's a conflict of interest on some of the instructions on #2, do #1.
Keep in mind that control hogs will always feast on something that they can take over. These people are mistakenly known to be quality-oriented and excellent individuals, but they are simply getting on to fix mistakes which will make them look good, when it means that those mistakes by another person will always make the person (control hogs) who fixed it look good, when the person who fixed it just patched a little piece of what the previous person took hard to accomplish only to have an add-on by another person for them to look good. And of course, that gives them the great image and privilege to be in control. And you should be confused by this point because I don't want you to be in control of what I've written.
Just don't get yourself doomed.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
How to show your talent?
Showing your talent is probably one of the hardest things to do in the realm called office. It's either of the two things:
1. You have the talent but it's always overshadowed by
2. Non-talented that has a good talent in yanking, whining, dramatizing, and kissing asses.
And you will notice on performance evaluation that you have been degraded to become the most useless individual to have been ever employed in your realm called office. The people in number 2 is actually good at the following:
1. Timing
2. And Perseverance to write the "last laugh" emails making that person smarter than you are.
The next thing you'll know, the person has already taken over your position, or could have bragged about what you've done and what another teammate from another cubicle in a "generalized" way, but centralizing all the achievements to himself. Most likely, you'll just receive some 50 pats at the back, while he receives a higher salary, a good administrative (because he is useless) position, or a leadership position because he is just too better than you did.
I'm sure the reason you reached up to this is because you are talent #1 above, and you are so frustrated why #2 has taken over you. And if you're #2, you will feel that you are #1, but you are doing the next section's #1 and #2 to become #1.
So how do you become successful? There's only one genuine thing that is effective. Surround yourselves with #3 - dead people. That will surely make you always #1.
1. You have the talent but it's always overshadowed by
2. Non-talented that has a good talent in yanking, whining, dramatizing, and kissing asses.
And you will notice on performance evaluation that you have been degraded to become the most useless individual to have been ever employed in your realm called office. The people in number 2 is actually good at the following:
1. Timing
2. And Perseverance to write the "last laugh" emails making that person smarter than you are.
The next thing you'll know, the person has already taken over your position, or could have bragged about what you've done and what another teammate from another cubicle in a "generalized" way, but centralizing all the achievements to himself. Most likely, you'll just receive some 50 pats at the back, while he receives a higher salary, a good administrative (because he is useless) position, or a leadership position because he is just too better than you did.
I'm sure the reason you reached up to this is because you are talent #1 above, and you are so frustrated why #2 has taken over you. And if you're #2, you will feel that you are #1, but you are doing the next section's #1 and #2 to become #1.
So how do you become successful? There's only one genuine thing that is effective. Surround yourselves with #3 - dead people. That will surely make you always #1.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Report, Status Report, Updates, FYI
In the old ages, the king will always have a messenger that will report to its kingdom the latest buzz and happenings (In the old ages, maybe they're not yet using the word "buzz" and "happenings". They might be using "bulletin" or "hear ye, hear ye", or the "king's speech".)
And of course, this was done on a regular interval. That could be weekly, monthly, annually, or whenever the king would like to boost his ego and say great things to his kingdom. On the other hand, the messenger will always do his best as well to report great things to his king. It could be that the biggest apple farm are producing red apples, the most beautiful girl in the kingdom would like to visit the king (again, a boost to the king's egoistical sex appeal), or the kingdom became the biggest because an earthquake occurred which shifted the tectonic plates to another land which connected the kingdom's land to another territory.
Nonetheless, whether the messenger reports to the king and the king would like to say something that the messenger would report to the minions of the kingdom, it would always contain a "status". And they've always made sure that the status is excellent and dominating and contained jargon which only the messenger or the king could understand and because the minions are too lazy to think about what the status is all about, all they need to do is to worship for whatever that is, because they all have to return home and nourish their stomachs or sex lives.
How the contents are formulated for the "reports" would still be applicable even in the modern era, it's just that we're now using the emails, presentations, spreadsheets, charts, tables, video package, multimedia, beautiful promo girls, soundproof auditoriums, etc. It's not really far on how contents are fabricated. In line with leaders who are very good in exaggerating events to be shared with his peers or to his supervisors, that's how status reports, updates, FYIs are delivered.
For example,
"The project is in process, but with no progress"
translates to
"The team is actively looking into it, and very much engaged into verifying the details that are needed to complete this request"
Another classic example,
"The way you did it, sucked"
translates to
"This is one of the biggest challenge that has come into our team. Let's hold hands and share a common goal. Let's always make sure that we focus on quality."
And, an informative email:
"I'm not doing anything. So what now? Verify how the dinosaurs became extinct????"
translates to
"It has been a little steady and quiet lately. I've been consistently monitoring our queue while thinking of possible process improvement for our product."
In whichever way it is written, or in whichever medium is being delivered, the contents will always be the same - jargon, repetitive, and most importantly - "promising hope".
So the next time that you are tasked to send any information to your team or to anyone in your company, make sure that it contains the best jargon that you can find that is a little bit related to the job, but will be a little ambiguous as well because the readers won't pay much attention in searching via Google what you mean. They will simply get to the subject or even on the first lines of your email / newsletter, then send it somewhere hidden.
If your readers are reading your status too well, then your readers are not doing so much work or their attention span is extraordinary, or they are part of a technical writing committee and trying to do a survey if people nowadays know how to write and construct paragraph, sentences, and if you're following the right subject-verb-agreement.
Send FYIs with a bang. Say something like - "FYI - the world is still round, don't worry, I used Google to verify".
And of course, this was done on a regular interval. That could be weekly, monthly, annually, or whenever the king would like to boost his ego and say great things to his kingdom. On the other hand, the messenger will always do his best as well to report great things to his king. It could be that the biggest apple farm are producing red apples, the most beautiful girl in the kingdom would like to visit the king (again, a boost to the king's egoistical sex appeal), or the kingdom became the biggest because an earthquake occurred which shifted the tectonic plates to another land which connected the kingdom's land to another territory.
Nonetheless, whether the messenger reports to the king and the king would like to say something that the messenger would report to the minions of the kingdom, it would always contain a "status". And they've always made sure that the status is excellent and dominating and contained jargon which only the messenger or the king could understand and because the minions are too lazy to think about what the status is all about, all they need to do is to worship for whatever that is, because they all have to return home and nourish their stomachs or sex lives.
How the contents are formulated for the "reports" would still be applicable even in the modern era, it's just that we're now using the emails, presentations, spreadsheets, charts, tables, video package, multimedia, beautiful promo girls, soundproof auditoriums, etc. It's not really far on how contents are fabricated. In line with leaders who are very good in exaggerating events to be shared with his peers or to his supervisors, that's how status reports, updates, FYIs are delivered.
For example,
"The project is in process, but with no progress"
translates to
"The team is actively looking into it, and very much engaged into verifying the details that are needed to complete this request"
Another classic example,
"The way you did it, sucked"
translates to
"This is one of the biggest challenge that has come into our team. Let's hold hands and share a common goal. Let's always make sure that we focus on quality."
And, an informative email:
"I'm not doing anything. So what now? Verify how the dinosaurs became extinct????"
translates to
"It has been a little steady and quiet lately. I've been consistently monitoring our queue while thinking of possible process improvement for our product."
In whichever way it is written, or in whichever medium is being delivered, the contents will always be the same - jargon, repetitive, and most importantly - "promising hope".
So the next time that you are tasked to send any information to your team or to anyone in your company, make sure that it contains the best jargon that you can find that is a little bit related to the job, but will be a little ambiguous as well because the readers won't pay much attention in searching via Google what you mean. They will simply get to the subject or even on the first lines of your email / newsletter, then send it somewhere hidden.
If your readers are reading your status too well, then your readers are not doing so much work or their attention span is extraordinary, or they are part of a technical writing committee and trying to do a survey if people nowadays know how to write and construct paragraph, sentences, and if you're following the right subject-verb-agreement.
Send FYIs with a bang. Say something like - "FYI - the world is still round, don't worry, I used Google to verify".
Taking Credit
If you are known to be the passionate individual in your realm called "office", then you are in big trouble. For example, in the I.T. industry, passionate individuals are often the "it" in every team that will do every single "technically" related job. In the logistics department, the "it" will always be the one in-charge in doing the "logistically" related job. In the academe, the "it" will always be a substitute for every "academic" related job. Regardless of where the job is related, you will always remain to be an "it", but at the end of the day, it just proved that you are a reliable resource that can be counted on and will forever be tagged in the minds of the perpetrators to be an "it" of a lifetime.
Now, let's drill that down. Why are those perpetrators always making you do the dirty job? Basically, because it's dirty and those in the upper management would always want to have the cleanest hands - relatively, it's a major part of looking good. Once you are able to do the dirty job in covering all kinds of things that you've almost run the whole operation of your team, your boss will simply say, good job. The next thing you'll know, you will have again a humongous stack of work to do, while your boss is drinking coffee, eating donuts, playing solitaire, and having phone sex with the secretary. Or, if you have the greatest strategic boss, then your boss gets all of the credit for the work you've done.
Or, if you have a practical officemate, they could just simply steal the credit from you by saying.
"IN SUMMARY, we can cut the wages of the employees for lower budget costs"
"ON TOP OF THAT, we can reduce the lights so that the monitors will give an outer space ambience"
"GOOD JOB. The good thing here is that everybody now knows that the sun doesn't sleep when it's the evening."
Notice the emphasized keywords. These are strong keywords that make you look good even though you didn't do much of all the work, yet it appears that you've summarized everything and makes you look that you are on top of the food chain and that you are the invulnerable species in your team.
Make sure that when you mention such keywords that you will do this at almost the end of the meeting and you won't let anyone do the summary first. You do it first with a poker face and that would make the other summarizers worry that a person smarter than them has landed on earth. Once you've mastered this principle, you will feel the benefit of being on top of the food chain without too much effort and intervention.
Relax and take it easy.
Now, let's drill that down. Why are those perpetrators always making you do the dirty job? Basically, because it's dirty and those in the upper management would always want to have the cleanest hands - relatively, it's a major part of looking good. Once you are able to do the dirty job in covering all kinds of things that you've almost run the whole operation of your team, your boss will simply say, good job. The next thing you'll know, you will have again a humongous stack of work to do, while your boss is drinking coffee, eating donuts, playing solitaire, and having phone sex with the secretary. Or, if you have the greatest strategic boss, then your boss gets all of the credit for the work you've done.
Or, if you have a practical officemate, they could just simply steal the credit from you by saying.
"IN SUMMARY, we can cut the wages of the employees for lower budget costs"
"ON TOP OF THAT, we can reduce the lights so that the monitors will give an outer space ambience"
"GOOD JOB. The good thing here is that everybody now knows that the sun doesn't sleep when it's the evening."
Notice the emphasized keywords. These are strong keywords that make you look good even though you didn't do much of all the work, yet it appears that you've summarized everything and makes you look that you are on top of the food chain and that you are the invulnerable species in your team.
Make sure that when you mention such keywords that you will do this at almost the end of the meeting and you won't let anyone do the summary first. You do it first with a poker face and that would make the other summarizers worry that a person smarter than them has landed on earth. Once you've mastered this principle, you will feel the benefit of being on top of the food chain without too much effort and intervention.
Relax and take it easy.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
"Great leaders" are natural salesmen
You might have an idea on what I'm talking about here. If you thought that leaders are usually sales people, that's partially correct. If you thought that leaders are natural slave drivers that spend a lot of time thinking how to sell Viagra without letting its buyer determine its dangerous side effects, then you are partially correct. If you thought that leaders have the ability to lure you to the exciting career and the wild ride of your life, and make you believe that you are in the right place without any ambiguity, then that's what a great leader is all about.
There will be a lot of instances that you will suddenly feel either of the following:
1. I don't find any value on things that I'm doing.
2. The things that I'm doing are either rhetorical or something that my pet dog can eventually do.
3. I don't know where I'm going to, how do I move forward, I'm confused and my sex drive has been degraded as well.
On these instances, a great leader would feel the energy to dive into these situations and reap the best out of your mess (which will make your leader look good). And even though great leaders are the most egoistic clowns that they are, they would still have a "concern" for you and would have the most epic conversations that could possibly make a wasted employee retain.
That's a dangerous situation. If you have been talked out by your great leader out of your mess, then you've just sold your soul to the creature that is more evil than the devil. Here are some signs that you're already being talked out and is slowly transforming you to the extra terrestrial species that you are becoming:
1. Your leader would say that you are important to the company and your loss would be very drastic that the best flowers in the world won't be pollinated by bees and won't bloom anymore.
2. If you have a concern that you're not being paid well, then you're boss will make you want to realize that you can have all the money in the world, but you won't be satisfied with the way you're living and zombies will always eat you alive and your dreams and you will always be haunted by ghosts in your head that you will eventually explode and you will experience a nervous breakdown.
3. When you feel that you're not going anywhere, then you're boss will simply put you to "administrative" / "managerial" role because that's where useless creatures with less potentials will be safe without any impact to the company's delivery. Eventually, because you are so heartbroken and you feel that your sex appeal will be boosted by this non-impacting administrative role, you will still accept it and your boss will be worry-free from your tirades that could cause tensions.
In the end, great leaders wouldn't want tensions coming from attrition, because it lessens their sex appeal and they won't have a vast selection of people they can potentially have sex with. That would be a very bad story for great leaders when their slaves are leaving.
Now, that's what the sales people.
Rather, great leaders could do.
There will be a lot of instances that you will suddenly feel either of the following:
1. I don't find any value on things that I'm doing.
2. The things that I'm doing are either rhetorical or something that my pet dog can eventually do.
3. I don't know where I'm going to, how do I move forward, I'm confused and my sex drive has been degraded as well.
On these instances, a great leader would feel the energy to dive into these situations and reap the best out of your mess (which will make your leader look good). And even though great leaders are the most egoistic clowns that they are, they would still have a "concern" for you and would have the most epic conversations that could possibly make a wasted employee retain.
That's a dangerous situation. If you have been talked out by your great leader out of your mess, then you've just sold your soul to the creature that is more evil than the devil. Here are some signs that you're already being talked out and is slowly transforming you to the extra terrestrial species that you are becoming:
1. Your leader would say that you are important to the company and your loss would be very drastic that the best flowers in the world won't be pollinated by bees and won't bloom anymore.
2. If you have a concern that you're not being paid well, then you're boss will make you want to realize that you can have all the money in the world, but you won't be satisfied with the way you're living and zombies will always eat you alive and your dreams and you will always be haunted by ghosts in your head that you will eventually explode and you will experience a nervous breakdown.
3. When you feel that you're not going anywhere, then you're boss will simply put you to "administrative" / "managerial" role because that's where useless creatures with less potentials will be safe without any impact to the company's delivery. Eventually, because you are so heartbroken and you feel that your sex appeal will be boosted by this non-impacting administrative role, you will still accept it and your boss will be worry-free from your tirades that could cause tensions.
In the end, great leaders wouldn't want tensions coming from attrition, because it lessens their sex appeal and they won't have a vast selection of people they can potentially have sex with. That would be a very bad story for great leaders when their slaves are leaving.
Now, that's what the sales people.
Rather, great leaders could do.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Mediocrity - How to deal with it
Mediocrity is a commonly misused term.
It is rooted from the word "media" and since then this media group grew. It grew into a flourishing rise that it is comparable to acres of land. And the people wised up and thought, "It's media! And we're growing in acres", thus Mediocre.
I'm not suggesting that you dwell into that further.
Because of the misuse of the term, a mediocre is so hard to determine. All the while you have been thinking that the person next to you is the highest performer, but you might be a victim of a great pretender. Or, you don't have any idea that the "high performer" next to you has been making you look the worst being on earth and it compensates to the good looks of that person wrecking your idiotic career.
Given that you are one of the dumb people that has been lured into your company, your mind could have been closed to the mindset for your mediocre detractors to perfectly detain you to the lowest kind of being that you are. And since you reached reading up to this point, then that should be true. Nonetheless, you should have the tools to know if the person next to you is a mediocre:
1. The person sends a lot of emails containing a lot of "updates". These updates will always contain commanding words and a lot of adjectives and motivational lies that will make the person look good and that he knows all things that are happening.
As a tip for #1, don't ask the person about those updates, it will make the person look better, because he will raise his voice while explaining these updates and the "lured employees" will think- "Ahhh, this guy is the person I want to be in the next 5 years".
2. A true mediocre is a good liar. During meetings, expect that all things are "in progress" even though it's not being looked at.
3. These persons are like vultures that feasts on the mistakes until your idea is dead "dead" that no other vulture can scavenge upon. That person will rise up the situation and will say, "I have a better idea in mind" when all ideas would be better on a "mistake situation".
Given that a mediocre could be sitting right next to you, you should have the strongest defense:
A poker face is the key! Try doing a poker face always on your cubicle always even though you are at the worst situation. The mediocre might rattle because he doesn't know where to attack. A silent field is a profound weakness for people living in mediocrity.
When in meetings, let the mediocre speak out until he is done. Then pick up the pieces where he is missing things, then you speak for motivational lies as well. Oh, that made you a mediocre as well. At least you looked good.
It is rooted from the word "media" and since then this media group grew. It grew into a flourishing rise that it is comparable to acres of land. And the people wised up and thought, "It's media! And we're growing in acres", thus Mediocre.
I'm not suggesting that you dwell into that further.
Because of the misuse of the term, a mediocre is so hard to determine. All the while you have been thinking that the person next to you is the highest performer, but you might be a victim of a great pretender. Or, you don't have any idea that the "high performer" next to you has been making you look the worst being on earth and it compensates to the good looks of that person wrecking your idiotic career.
Given that you are one of the dumb people that has been lured into your company, your mind could have been closed to the mindset for your mediocre detractors to perfectly detain you to the lowest kind of being that you are. And since you reached reading up to this point, then that should be true. Nonetheless, you should have the tools to know if the person next to you is a mediocre:
1. The person sends a lot of emails containing a lot of "updates". These updates will always contain commanding words and a lot of adjectives and motivational lies that will make the person look good and that he knows all things that are happening.
As a tip for #1, don't ask the person about those updates, it will make the person look better, because he will raise his voice while explaining these updates and the "lured employees" will think- "Ahhh, this guy is the person I want to be in the next 5 years".
2. A true mediocre is a good liar. During meetings, expect that all things are "in progress" even though it's not being looked at.
3. These persons are like vultures that feasts on the mistakes until your idea is dead "dead" that no other vulture can scavenge upon. That person will rise up the situation and will say, "I have a better idea in mind" when all ideas would be better on a "mistake situation".
Given that a mediocre could be sitting right next to you, you should have the strongest defense:
A poker face is the key! Try doing a poker face always on your cubicle always even though you are at the worst situation. The mediocre might rattle because he doesn't know where to attack. A silent field is a profound weakness for people living in mediocrity.
When in meetings, let the mediocre speak out until he is done. Then pick up the pieces where he is missing things, then you speak for motivational lies as well. Oh, that made you a mediocre as well. At least you looked good.
Obsessive Compulsive
You will always meet someone who is obsessive compulsive in your company. They could be one of the following:
1. Vain, that every fold in his shirt should be very accurate
2. The Folder Arranger, that should have several files of folders and having multiple labels, and sorted from A-Z, biggest to smallest, pornographic to the most wholesome
3. The Outliner, all things that you've said should have outlines, wherein one topic outline should start from roman numeral I down to 1.1.1.1.1.1.1..1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.10.
Of all, you should befriend Number 1, because that person will always want to look good. And in the company, those who look good looks less idiotic. You will always want to hide your dumb self, yet make yourself the most professional being that earth is always happy to have.
Number 2 has the tendency to put you on one folder. You have to back off a bit from this person because the more you stay with him, the fatter the folder that you will have, eventually will become a binder, and then a shelf, and then a cabinet. Unless you want to have an autobiography, then stay with this person.
Number 3 or the outliner is someone you wouldn't want to have for your entire life. You will always have plans even the schedule of your bathroom breaks and what are your next plans in the next 3 minutes after you have brushed your teeth. If you haven't flossed, then you might be out of the plan. It's dangerous to have this person within a short proximity. Do not tell too much about your life with this person, because the next time you'll know, he'll have an outline on when you should have sex.
1. Vain, that every fold in his shirt should be very accurate
2. The Folder Arranger, that should have several files of folders and having multiple labels, and sorted from A-Z, biggest to smallest, pornographic to the most wholesome
3. The Outliner, all things that you've said should have outlines, wherein one topic outline should start from roman numeral I down to 1.1.1.1.1.1.1..1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.10.
Of all, you should befriend Number 1, because that person will always want to look good. And in the company, those who look good looks less idiotic. You will always want to hide your dumb self, yet make yourself the most professional being that earth is always happy to have.
Number 2 has the tendency to put you on one folder. You have to back off a bit from this person because the more you stay with him, the fatter the folder that you will have, eventually will become a binder, and then a shelf, and then a cabinet. Unless you want to have an autobiography, then stay with this person.
Number 3 or the outliner is someone you wouldn't want to have for your entire life. You will always have plans even the schedule of your bathroom breaks and what are your next plans in the next 3 minutes after you have brushed your teeth. If you haven't flossed, then you might be out of the plan. It's dangerous to have this person within a short proximity. Do not tell too much about your life with this person, because the next time you'll know, he'll have an outline on when you should have sex.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
You are always born yesterday
When were you born? If you were to ask your boss, then the answer is yesterday. Since all the people in the office are all morons, then your boss should be more of the controller of time and space continuum, because he can freeze time and will always make you born yesterday.
1. We are a team here, so we always help each other.
2. The world is so big.
3. There is a sun in the morning and moon in the evening.
So those are just a few things that you can be treated in the office. Either your co-workers will make you like you were born yesterday or you are just simply ignored.
How to dodge such useless employees?
- Shout always in the office even after taking a bathroom break.
- Train your eyes to look far.
- During a conversation cough hard as if you're lungs are stronger,
- Do not attend meeting immediately, attend 15 minutes before it is finished, and take the last words of the meeting.
Never write minutes of the meeting. That's a helpful tool for pretending
1. We are a team here, so we always help each other.
2. The world is so big.
3. There is a sun in the morning and moon in the evening.
So those are just a few things that you can be treated in the office. Either your co-workers will make you like you were born yesterday or you are just simply ignored.
How to dodge such useless employees?
- Shout always in the office even after taking a bathroom break.
- Train your eyes to look far.
- During a conversation cough hard as if you're lungs are stronger,
- Do not attend meeting immediately, attend 15 minutes before it is finished, and take the last words of the meeting.
Never write minutes of the meeting. That's a helpful tool for pretending
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Energy Saving 101
Whenever you are at the workplace, make sure that you have an energy saving scheme. If you've heard of the famous Pareto Law or the 80-20 law, where 80% is the effect and 20% is the cause, then you're lucky that the most practical application can be found here.
The law can actually be applied to save energy, simply by making it:
20% = work (did i spell it correctly?)
80% = rest (surf the internet, use facebook as your main page, use proxies and tunneling to escape restricted sites such as money-making sites)
Why?
You've got a lot of work to do and it is exponential. Let's say you invested 3 hours to work, that would be 9 hours in reality. Worse if you thought to work 6 hours, because that means 36.
Why?
Whenever you sit down at your cubicle, you won't start immediately (talk about diesel powered engine vehicles - yes that's you), but that's fine because the overrated superstars will just glance at the computer monitor trying to understand why the screen saver is bouncing the ball and why does it stop whenever you move even a milli-inch of movement of your mouse.
Then, you try to work. And you will suddenly feel stress because what has been explained is so vague that you're like trying to cut a carabao's skin using a nailcutter. But then again that's fine, because the overrated superstars on your company would have a hard time opening the spreadsheets because it is being modified by another user and he won't be able to continue from there.
The last time you thought about working, you were just finished surfing the web, and it would be lunch break, or moreover 5Pm and it's time to leave.
So you know that you can't spend more than 20% of the time to work. Because if you try to go beyond that, then you're in for an exponential aging rate and your potency will decrease 5x that the gorilla will laugh about because they had more sex than you had in the last 2 years.
So, save your energy, because you'll just realize that you were 40 years old you didn't know that your hair has been growing thinner, you can't even pick up ladies with your most practiced childhood pick-up lines.
The law can actually be applied to save energy, simply by making it:
20% = work (did i spell it correctly?)
80% = rest (surf the internet, use facebook as your main page, use proxies and tunneling to escape restricted sites such as money-making sites)
Why?
You've got a lot of work to do and it is exponential. Let's say you invested 3 hours to work, that would be 9 hours in reality. Worse if you thought to work 6 hours, because that means 36.
Why?
Whenever you sit down at your cubicle, you won't start immediately (talk about diesel powered engine vehicles - yes that's you), but that's fine because the overrated superstars will just glance at the computer monitor trying to understand why the screen saver is bouncing the ball and why does it stop whenever you move even a milli-inch of movement of your mouse.
Then, you try to work. And you will suddenly feel stress because what has been explained is so vague that you're like trying to cut a carabao's skin using a nailcutter. But then again that's fine, because the overrated superstars on your company would have a hard time opening the spreadsheets because it is being modified by another user and he won't be able to continue from there.
The last time you thought about working, you were just finished surfing the web, and it would be lunch break, or moreover 5Pm and it's time to leave.
So you know that you can't spend more than 20% of the time to work. Because if you try to go beyond that, then you're in for an exponential aging rate and your potency will decrease 5x that the gorilla will laugh about because they had more sex than you had in the last 2 years.
So, save your energy, because you'll just realize that you were 40 years old you didn't know that your hair has been growing thinner, you can't even pick up ladies with your most practiced childhood pick-up lines.
What kind of boss do you have?
Of course there will be quite a lot if you will try to think the best adjectives that you can enumerate. I'll make myself handicapped here because these will be impromptu:
1. Senseless Coward
2. Whimsical Fantasy Master
3. Creative Juice Extractor
4. Delinquent Tracking Doctor
5. Fornication Specialist
Anyway, these are just suggestions, but you can still call your boss a Tormentor of Dreams.
Although these are instictive, one of the most striking one will be the Emphatic Liar. Basically, this type of boss just say things (and that means any things) even though he doesn't know what he is talking about, and he will always be energized by what he is doing. This energizing and orgasmic lies ultimately creates a dimension in the mind of the perpetrator that he just did the best thing he did since the last time he learned that oil and water cannot be mixed.
Another amazing boss are the Self-Overraters. This boss is quite dangerous, because it will always put the hype on something even though it hasn't been materializing yet or just wants something to report and to look very brilliant. This has been always effective because bosses that do this act are those that had a lot of experience and will never fail to
capitalize even on the most dry accomplishment that even a dengue-carrying mosquito won't even bite into.
Create a good plan to be whimsical and try to fantasize yourself in a portal of greatness and memorize all the kinds of motivational lies that you've received. Digest it and analyze if the taste of mayonnaise is much better.
1. Senseless Coward
2. Whimsical Fantasy Master
3. Creative Juice Extractor
4. Delinquent Tracking Doctor
5. Fornication Specialist
Anyway, these are just suggestions, but you can still call your boss a Tormentor of Dreams.
Although these are instictive, one of the most striking one will be the Emphatic Liar. Basically, this type of boss just say things (and that means any things) even though he doesn't know what he is talking about, and he will always be energized by what he is doing. This energizing and orgasmic lies ultimately creates a dimension in the mind of the perpetrator that he just did the best thing he did since the last time he learned that oil and water cannot be mixed.
Another amazing boss are the Self-Overraters. This boss is quite dangerous, because it will always put the hype on something even though it hasn't been materializing yet or just wants something to report and to look very brilliant. This has been always effective because bosses that do this act are those that had a lot of experience and will never fail to
capitalize even on the most dry accomplishment that even a dengue-carrying mosquito won't even bite into.
Create a good plan to be whimsical and try to fantasize yourself in a portal of greatness and memorize all the kinds of motivational lies that you've received. Digest it and analyze if the taste of mayonnaise is much better.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Repetitive Crap
So, it happens that there's a concept of another retard that keeps on telling the same things over and over again, and for some reasons that person makes the person look good.
For example,
"This coffee maker has been making coffee. And it tastes like coffee!!!!"
If you're in that scenario, then you're in big trouble. Make sure to get the highest quality ear muffs or buy the best noise canceling headphones. It has been a very strong habit for these retards to repeat things over and over again to make them feel they are supreme and they are the best.
It would be a good tactic to hear a little about it, then try to munch a crunchy peanut and munch it like a pig while someone is talking the same thing. Or, try to play mini basketball. How? Get a paper - 1/2 of it, use it as a ring. The remaining part - pinch small pieces and those will be your small basketball to be shot at the 1/2 ring. It's a healthy mind exercise and who knows you might be able to create an origami during the next minutes of repetitive discussions.
Crap repetitions.
For example,
"This coffee maker has been making coffee. And it tastes like coffee!!!!"
If you're in that scenario, then you're in big trouble. Make sure to get the highest quality ear muffs or buy the best noise canceling headphones. It has been a very strong habit for these retards to repeat things over and over again to make them feel they are supreme and they are the best.
It would be a good tactic to hear a little about it, then try to munch a crunchy peanut and munch it like a pig while someone is talking the same thing. Or, try to play mini basketball. How? Get a paper - 1/2 of it, use it as a ring. The remaining part - pinch small pieces and those will be your small basketball to be shot at the 1/2 ring. It's a healthy mind exercise and who knows you might be able to create an origami during the next minutes of repetitive discussions.
Crap repetitions.
The Boss is Here
In connection to what the boss is capable to do, ensure that you're prepared to situations that you will be made to kneel down and worship the highest being you've ever encountered on the next 8 or probably 16 hours of your life (if you have a sadistic boss) when you're dealing with your boss.
Boss: Worship me, because I'm gonna make or break your career
Clown: (kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel)
That is a bad example. For my part, I will never do that action for that piece of crap = boss. They are made to say the best things. They always say the great sermons. They are always the most ideal. And if you believe in that, then you've just sold your soul to a prostitute with a venereal disease.
Sometimes it would be good to shift your thinking to be against your boss. It wouldn't be bad to try it out. Try to shove your boss' face while he is discussing his sermon. Or, while at his prime lecturing the notes that are repetitive to many that many already know and is still being discussed.
When you are successful shoving your boss to the head, let us know here how long did your boss pass out. That would be an interesting story to tell.
Boss: Worship me, because I'm gonna make or break your career
Clown: (kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel)
That is a bad example. For my part, I will never do that action for that piece of crap = boss. They are made to say the best things. They always say the great sermons. They are always the most ideal. And if you believe in that, then you've just sold your soul to a prostitute with a venereal disease.
Sometimes it would be good to shift your thinking to be against your boss. It wouldn't be bad to try it out. Try to shove your boss' face while he is discussing his sermon. Or, while at his prime lecturing the notes that are repetitive to many that many already know and is still being discussed.
When you are successful shoving your boss to the head, let us know here how long did your boss pass out. That would be an interesting story to tell.
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Boss - bullshit officer seeking sex
To make a boss more friendly and understandable, it could be remembered via the acronym:
B - Bullshirt
O - Officer
S - Seeking
S - Sex
That didn't make sense, but I guess you've got my point. Yes, I hate bosses. Bosses were typically made to annoy and give sermons that will just make them look great. Whatever calmness or words of wisdom you receive during your interaction, at the end of the day, you are still the biggest mole at the bottom of his lip that he'd want to get a laser on because you are too much cancerous to be with.
Bosses would want to give sermons in the middle of a crowd of losers, because he'll feel that he's the supreme being ever created in the office. So make it a point to dodge those situations, because if you were in one, then you're in a one quicksand ride that will surely drown your patience and your ego down the hole.
Happy breathing.
B - Bullshirt
O - Officer
S - Seeking
S - Sex
That didn't make sense, but I guess you've got my point. Yes, I hate bosses. Bosses were typically made to annoy and give sermons that will just make them look great. Whatever calmness or words of wisdom you receive during your interaction, at the end of the day, you are still the biggest mole at the bottom of his lip that he'd want to get a laser on because you are too much cancerous to be with.
Bosses would want to give sermons in the middle of a crowd of losers, because he'll feel that he's the supreme being ever created in the office. So make it a point to dodge those situations, because if you were in one, then you're in a one quicksand ride that will surely drown your patience and your ego down the hole.
Happy breathing.
Why am I even writing here? Am I a mediocre?
Mediocrity is the most commonly used, yet still a powerful jargon when it comes to employee performance. So why am I writing this blog, when normally those who are always flunking and plunging down deep in the office are those that write these senseless piece of crap. Well, I guess not all. I happened to become a part of a leadership team and belonging to such vast and great product.
With all the greatness my company could potentially have, why would I even bother riding in the bandwagon of "losers" for expressing their frustrations online? Well, I guess the bunch of "losers" have already wised up, because as we all know, and what we should know, all employees are jerks and are idiots.
There are so many decisions, make it millions of decisions made everyday, and 80% of that should be bad. The remaining 20% should be good enough, it won't cause oil crisis worldwide. With all these bad decisions, where do we position ourselves? Either someone waits, another person takes a little move, yet still waits and takes extra precautionary measures, while the other just dives into the situation. But in the end, if it were a bad decision, then you'd sit on your desk and think for yourself now a new familiar name of a blog that will cover frustations + employment without being a duplicate to this site. Go write, and let's spread the word of being straightforward employees and kicking the shit out of the true mediocre ones.
With all the greatness my company could potentially have, why would I even bother riding in the bandwagon of "losers" for expressing their frustrations online? Well, I guess the bunch of "losers" have already wised up, because as we all know, and what we should know, all employees are jerks and are idiots.
There are so many decisions, make it millions of decisions made everyday, and 80% of that should be bad. The remaining 20% should be good enough, it won't cause oil crisis worldwide. With all these bad decisions, where do we position ourselves? Either someone waits, another person takes a little move, yet still waits and takes extra precautionary measures, while the other just dives into the situation. But in the end, if it were a bad decision, then you'd sit on your desk and think for yourself now a new familiar name of a blog that will cover frustations + employment without being a duplicate to this site. Go write, and let's spread the word of being straightforward employees and kicking the shit out of the true mediocre ones.
The Frustated Employee
This is a blog to spill out my idiotic principles whenever I enter the realm - office.
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