...nobody notices anyway.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Release your anger
It's very important that you release your anger. When you want to be a future leader, you should be able to show what kind of attitude you have. Never backdown even on an employee with an upskirt. She'll be turned on by your attitude and just grab her later.
Remember, this is all business. You don't have anything to do with the personal life of this woman. And during Performance Appraisal, just tell your boss that he doesn't want to ask again, because you are the brother of Hannibal and half-brother of Ron Jeremy.
Again, poker face is the key while you're doing all this.
Remember, this is all business. You don't have anything to do with the personal life of this woman. And during Performance Appraisal, just tell your boss that he doesn't want to ask again, because you are the brother of Hannibal and half-brother of Ron Jeremy.
Again, poker face is the key while you're doing all this.
How to make yourself invulnerable
This is the kind of attitude which should make your boss and mediocre teammates scared to death because you are very unpredictable. Remember: Predictable people are easy preys.
A straightforward approach for not being intimidated by anyone.
And you're not prone for any insinuations.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Wake up naive - Preventing knowledge slavery.
So it gets me frustrated whenever I see emails where "know-how" people are sending emails for the sake of being informing something that people obviously know, and that they will send it even though they know that other people know it in the most detailed discussion. And who will be the victim for this rhetoric? The naive ones.
If you are a naive creature, be very careful and I'm with you. You are just in a state where you are enslaved to the blindness where the know-how people do not want you to be free. Maybe you just need a little bit of catalytic words that would set your mind free from the knowledge slavery.
You are a victim of knowledge slavery if you are:
1. Just accepting the emails of this know-how people and not being able to deduce what's inside it.
2. You attend meetings where the know-how individual will always look good even though what he is saying should just be a one-click mouse button and everything has already been done before by true great ones**.
3. The know-hows will always send the FYIs, emails, and reports where all the knowledge and research CAME FROM YOU!
I've stressed so much for #3, because you are working your ass of, when the know-hows will parasitically absorb and eat the accolades that he can get out of it. Anyway, if you're all in this category, then it's time for you to wake up. Do not let anyone enslave you from non-sensical retorts for you yourself should have a mind of your own. And you yourself has a strategy of your own.
Things that you can do to send the non-sense know-hows to the deepeset well where they can't come back to you again:
1. Be a snob. And look focused on your workstation. You can execute this by chanting a certain kind of mantra, like "Ooh gala ooh bumba bumba ooh!!". You're colleague's face will instantly turn pale for he didn't know that such a chant is existing and this world and he'll be so envious he didn't even get to learn it, but you know it!
2. AGAIN, poker face is the key! These know-hows are seeing opportunities for naive looking creatures. And poker faces combined with #1 is a strong personality that you are someone who can't be broken into pieces.
3. And the most important - Do not give out all trade secrets for what you've researched. It's a fact - these know-hows thrive into knowledge that will make them look good. Share to them information where they won't even be able to articulate a correct subject-verb-agreement. Say very simple keywords like - "This feature is very arousing". They won't be able to extract anything good out of it and won't be able to form any jargons at all.
So don't be like the passive whale where the little fishes will feast on your big catches. Be the enraged shark that eats everything and just give bones for leftovers.
** There's a separate topic for the true great ones.
If you are a naive creature, be very careful and I'm with you. You are just in a state where you are enslaved to the blindness where the know-how people do not want you to be free. Maybe you just need a little bit of catalytic words that would set your mind free from the knowledge slavery.
You are a victim of knowledge slavery if you are:
1. Just accepting the emails of this know-how people and not being able to deduce what's inside it.
2. You attend meetings where the know-how individual will always look good even though what he is saying should just be a one-click mouse button and everything has already been done before by true great ones**.
3. The know-hows will always send the FYIs, emails, and reports where all the knowledge and research CAME FROM YOU!
I've stressed so much for #3, because you are working your ass of, when the know-hows will parasitically absorb and eat the accolades that he can get out of it. Anyway, if you're all in this category, then it's time for you to wake up. Do not let anyone enslave you from non-sensical retorts for you yourself should have a mind of your own. And you yourself has a strategy of your own.
Things that you can do to send the non-sense know-hows to the deepeset well where they can't come back to you again:
1. Be a snob. And look focused on your workstation. You can execute this by chanting a certain kind of mantra, like "Ooh gala ooh bumba bumba ooh!!". You're colleague's face will instantly turn pale for he didn't know that such a chant is existing and this world and he'll be so envious he didn't even get to learn it, but you know it!
2. AGAIN, poker face is the key! These know-hows are seeing opportunities for naive looking creatures. And poker faces combined with #1 is a strong personality that you are someone who can't be broken into pieces.
3. And the most important - Do not give out all trade secrets for what you've researched. It's a fact - these know-hows thrive into knowledge that will make them look good. Share to them information where they won't even be able to articulate a correct subject-verb-agreement. Say very simple keywords like - "This feature is very arousing". They won't be able to extract anything good out of it and won't be able to form any jargons at all.
So don't be like the passive whale where the little fishes will feast on your big catches. Be the enraged shark that eats everything and just give bones for leftovers.
** There's a separate topic for the true great ones.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Giving Feedback and Appraisal - Performance Evaluation
Character Development
So have you given the latest appraisal for your teammates and team members? Appraisal period is synonymous to revenge period. This is the time when you are able to express all the angst that you've been keeping for quite some time in the realm, called office. If you're in a company where you are given the chance to give feedback to other employees, do not waste any countless efforts into it and do the following:
1. Make sure that you've consulted your sarcastic conscience.
2. You've been able to call all the bad spirits that exist even in Greek Mythology.
3. You've known the "hierarchy" in the office.
4. You've practiced the art of anonymity.
Of all, most important are 3 and 4. Followed by 1 and 2. If you want a very constructive way of delivering feedback for your teammates (even for indirect teammates), then here's your chance to do #'s 1 to 4.
Your sarcastic conscience is very important as it will give you the sense of complete wrecking of an individual's careeer. For example, "He has the most number of words that have been sent in a single email for nearly a decade of my career! It was magnificent." Or, something like "She has been very supportive to us that she stares 30 minutes staring to my 2 sentence email. She never fails to read all the details.". Such mindset would be very helpful as a first step to set the tone of your thought.
Call the bad spirits. By default, you are a good person and you might appear like an ass kisser when giving feedback. You shouldn't be. A champion ass kisser will never ever give a constructive feedback. If you were in the spirit of the most hated creatures, like Frankenstein or Dr. Jekyll, then you're in for the most bizarre yet convicted feedback. Like, "For quite some time, I've been seeing him playing with his nails, and apparently biting it, and I don't know, I think he's swallowing a portion of it." Or go into the detail of - "I don't know if he just always worries for his team, but he used to scratch his head as if there's always a big problem in his team, but I also noticed that there were more dandruff flakes than aircon dust in his desk."
Know the hierarchy - Once you've established the proper mindset, it's very important that you know what you are hitting. If you are hitting someone who is on the higher level, immediately go to number 4. Otherwise, ensure that you've collected all #'s 1 and 2. The order doesn't really matter because if you've already got the mindset, then order would be last to think about as every comment that you have will always be a highlight.
The art of anonymity - Why? Most of the times, those that are in the higher position are more prone to being emotional. Those dolts would always appear calm (remember the poker face principle - see label poker face), but they will always have the last laugh. And you will never want to be a moving target for a homing missile. Those in the higher level are always aiming for vengeance, but how do you handle such? Higher position would always want "results", so portray a sarcastic, whimsical, and low-level acting as a "result". For example, coughing hard as if a phlegm won't come out in the middle of the day. Or, twisting your fingers and point and whisper (loud) that you are having a carpal tunnel. Walk as if you're crippled after being assigned of a hard task. During Fridays, drink lots of water and sprinkle a little bit of it onto your face while in front of the computer. Then after doing all those acts, go to the portal of "anonymous feedbacks" where you should write one and write the most cynical feedback you wanted too, then send a separate email to your higher beings of all praises, and that will sell! Your higher being will feel worried, there's an ill employee that he can't handle well because he's such a bad administrator, and on the other side, he'll be downtrodded he doesn't even know the evil maniac who just sent a note that his nose looks like he's the son of Jackie Chan and a female Pinnochio. But you are still the best employee in the world for the effort and passion that you are showing as a "result".
So, good luck and always be constructive.
So have you given the latest appraisal for your teammates and team members? Appraisal period is synonymous to revenge period. This is the time when you are able to express all the angst that you've been keeping for quite some time in the realm, called office. If you're in a company where you are given the chance to give feedback to other employees, do not waste any countless efforts into it and do the following:
1. Make sure that you've consulted your sarcastic conscience.
2. You've been able to call all the bad spirits that exist even in Greek Mythology.
3. You've known the "hierarchy" in the office.
4. You've practiced the art of anonymity.
Of all, most important are 3 and 4. Followed by 1 and 2. If you want a very constructive way of delivering feedback for your teammates (even for indirect teammates), then here's your chance to do #'s 1 to 4.
Your sarcastic conscience is very important as it will give you the sense of complete wrecking of an individual's careeer. For example, "He has the most number of words that have been sent in a single email for nearly a decade of my career! It was magnificent." Or, something like "She has been very supportive to us that she stares 30 minutes staring to my 2 sentence email. She never fails to read all the details.". Such mindset would be very helpful as a first step to set the tone of your thought.
Call the bad spirits. By default, you are a good person and you might appear like an ass kisser when giving feedback. You shouldn't be. A champion ass kisser will never ever give a constructive feedback. If you were in the spirit of the most hated creatures, like Frankenstein or Dr. Jekyll, then you're in for the most bizarre yet convicted feedback. Like, "For quite some time, I've been seeing him playing with his nails, and apparently biting it, and I don't know, I think he's swallowing a portion of it." Or go into the detail of - "I don't know if he just always worries for his team, but he used to scratch his head as if there's always a big problem in his team, but I also noticed that there were more dandruff flakes than aircon dust in his desk."
Know the hierarchy - Once you've established the proper mindset, it's very important that you know what you are hitting. If you are hitting someone who is on the higher level, immediately go to number 4. Otherwise, ensure that you've collected all #'s 1 and 2. The order doesn't really matter because if you've already got the mindset, then order would be last to think about as every comment that you have will always be a highlight.
The art of anonymity - Why? Most of the times, those that are in the higher position are more prone to being emotional. Those dolts would always appear calm (remember the poker face principle - see label poker face), but they will always have the last laugh. And you will never want to be a moving target for a homing missile. Those in the higher level are always aiming for vengeance, but how do you handle such? Higher position would always want "results", so portray a sarcastic, whimsical, and low-level acting as a "result". For example, coughing hard as if a phlegm won't come out in the middle of the day. Or, twisting your fingers and point and whisper (loud) that you are having a carpal tunnel. Walk as if you're crippled after being assigned of a hard task. During Fridays, drink lots of water and sprinkle a little bit of it onto your face while in front of the computer. Then after doing all those acts, go to the portal of "anonymous feedbacks" where you should write one and write the most cynical feedback you wanted too, then send a separate email to your higher beings of all praises, and that will sell! Your higher being will feel worried, there's an ill employee that he can't handle well because he's such a bad administrator, and on the other side, he'll be downtrodded he doesn't even know the evil maniac who just sent a note that his nose looks like he's the son of Jackie Chan and a female Pinnochio. But you are still the best employee in the world for the effort and passion that you are showing as a "result".
So, good luck and always be constructive.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Assholes and Ass Kissers the Series
If there were any shenanigans and mole-looking species in the realm called office that would ruin your day, then those would be the assholes and the ass-kissers. If you've worked for centuries, then you should've encountered those two special kinds of creatures.
They are very hard to conquer because they have all the styles in the world to own you and proliferate. Even during the prehistoric ages, assholes and ass-kissers already existed. I'm quite sure that before the wheel has been invented, a butt-looking, goat worshiper, and ass-kissing creature has been following the one who have led the invention of the wheel. As you can see, the wheel has been invented in Mesopotamia, but I'm theorizing otherwise, because there could be an asshole historian who could've reversed history that instead of the Chinese (who should have the most number of people in the world) have already mass produced the wheel during that time. Now me, acting the role of the asshole has reversed history, and if nobody had a basis or cultural bureaucratic press release to follow, then my history should have been what's being used now.
Either way, before the wheel has been invented and subsequently reinvented, a lot of assholes and ass kissers have played big roles to either:
1. Conquer the works of others
2. Delay the delivery
3. Make themselves look good
In the realm called office, these blood sucking individuals are really great at number 3. They just make themselves look very good. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, they should always have the last word. The email that they should be sending should be something that dictates a command. They should've used a lot of jargon that only their insensible community would understand and even the geeks sitting right beside you won't even comprehend.
The ultimate talent of these individuals should be acting. You cannot be a successful asshole if you don't know how to be irate or stealer of someone's accomplishment by saying the last few sentences of someone who constructed the complete thoughts into it. You cannot be a successful ass kisser if you won't know how to act as if you'll always kiss the ground and scrub your lips to the ground while your boss is walking around and at the very spur of the moment when the wind just stopped breezing, you just cried in awe - "boss, i just knew how to tie a knot!".
Moreover, these individuals have great timing. Notice your alien office mates who are always on "leadership discussions", basically they are talking of nothing or something that could be finished in 5 minutes, but they discuss in 1 hour. But why are they existing there? It's because of good timing. A good asshole represents a very timely person. Never did they miss an everyday conversation to look busy, while you are having climbing your way to score to your long paragraphed checklist of things to do.
Of course, assholes and ass kissers should be very creative to do all these, but while they are streaking on their way to make your life miserable, I can give you a few tips to make them pee in their pajamas everyday:
1. Never anyone can beat a poker face. Poker face is king!
2. Slam your desk every now and then. Try to put some intervals - like every 10 minutes. That will make you very intimidating that even the a-holes a-kissers won't even mind to bother you or put you to a slander
3. Speak to them with one-liner statements. Like, "Yes", "Alright", "K". That will wreak havoc in their brains not knowing where is your weakness. They won't even know what your emotions are if you combine this with number 1.
Be creative on stumping these creatures
They are very hard to conquer because they have all the styles in the world to own you and proliferate. Even during the prehistoric ages, assholes and ass-kissers already existed. I'm quite sure that before the wheel has been invented, a butt-looking, goat worshiper, and ass-kissing creature has been following the one who have led the invention of the wheel. As you can see, the wheel has been invented in Mesopotamia, but I'm theorizing otherwise, because there could be an asshole historian who could've reversed history that instead of the Chinese (who should have the most number of people in the world) have already mass produced the wheel during that time. Now me, acting the role of the asshole has reversed history, and if nobody had a basis or cultural bureaucratic press release to follow, then my history should have been what's being used now.
Either way, before the wheel has been invented and subsequently reinvented, a lot of assholes and ass kissers have played big roles to either:
1. Conquer the works of others
2. Delay the delivery
3. Make themselves look good
In the realm called office, these blood sucking individuals are really great at number 3. They just make themselves look very good. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, they should always have the last word. The email that they should be sending should be something that dictates a command. They should've used a lot of jargon that only their insensible community would understand and even the geeks sitting right beside you won't even comprehend.
The ultimate talent of these individuals should be acting. You cannot be a successful asshole if you don't know how to be irate or stealer of someone's accomplishment by saying the last few sentences of someone who constructed the complete thoughts into it. You cannot be a successful ass kisser if you won't know how to act as if you'll always kiss the ground and scrub your lips to the ground while your boss is walking around and at the very spur of the moment when the wind just stopped breezing, you just cried in awe - "boss, i just knew how to tie a knot!".
Moreover, these individuals have great timing. Notice your alien office mates who are always on "leadership discussions", basically they are talking of nothing or something that could be finished in 5 minutes, but they discuss in 1 hour. But why are they existing there? It's because of good timing. A good asshole represents a very timely person. Never did they miss an everyday conversation to look busy, while you are having climbing your way to score to your long paragraphed checklist of things to do.
Of course, assholes and ass kissers should be very creative to do all these, but while they are streaking on their way to make your life miserable, I can give you a few tips to make them pee in their pajamas everyday:
1. Never anyone can beat a poker face. Poker face is king!
2. Slam your desk every now and then. Try to put some intervals - like every 10 minutes. That will make you very intimidating that even the a-holes a-kissers won't even mind to bother you or put you to a slander
3. Speak to them with one-liner statements. Like, "Yes", "Alright", "K". That will wreak havoc in their brains not knowing where is your weakness. They won't even know what your emotions are if you combine this with number 1.
Be creative on stumping these creatures
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Being In Control
Being in control
Sometimes you'll feel that you're heart is being squeezed up to the point that you've noticed that your blood pressure is going high up the cylinder and the next last thing you'll know is that you're being controlled.
There are employees in the realm called office that would always want to be control.Take the terms:
- Obssessive Compulsive
- Quality Control
- Supervisor
- Leaders
- Assistant to a leader
- Center of the universe
- The "observer"
- Nerve of the company
There's still a lot of terms to associate to control, but they only have one goal - to choke out the remaining gas in your body - and yes, that's include fart.
When you are in a situation that you're working with people would want to be in control, then you are in very big trouble. They would always want to check what you're doing. They would dread that you're not being participative even though you just missed a fraction of the instructions that the person has mentioned. In so many ways, these "control hogs" can gain control like the Persian conquerors that they can eventually swarm over your comfort zone and gain your place to be their place.
Of course when that happens, you are now considered as a living dead and you will eventually become a slave of what you used to own. These "control hogs" are of course not really hard to torment. There are a variety of ways that you can do in order to overcome the relentless assault of these predators:
1. Again, poker face is the key. They wouldn't know where they will attack. They won't even know if the person is becoming frustrated or being happy with the instructions they are imposing.
Take into consideration the ratio: Level of your Frustration over the Level of Satisfaction of the Tormentor. The more you become frustrated, the more the control hogs would be energized.
2. Follow the instructions...that you like. This would simply mean - get the best details that you can use to turbo boost your career and trash out those that are stressful for your way. Remember, you have to take things your way, not their way. The reason you reached this reading is because you are now somehow a "smart guy" who knows what practical or not.
3. If there's a conflict of interest on some of the instructions on #2, do #1.
Keep in mind that control hogs will always feast on something that they can take over. These people are mistakenly known to be quality-oriented and excellent individuals, but they are simply getting on to fix mistakes which will make them look good, when it means that those mistakes by another person will always make the person (control hogs) who fixed it look good, when the person who fixed it just patched a little piece of what the previous person took hard to accomplish only to have an add-on by another person for them to look good. And of course, that gives them the great image and privilege to be in control. And you should be confused by this point because I don't want you to be in control of what I've written.
Just don't get yourself doomed.
Sometimes you'll feel that you're heart is being squeezed up to the point that you've noticed that your blood pressure is going high up the cylinder and the next last thing you'll know is that you're being controlled.
There are employees in the realm called office that would always want to be control.Take the terms:
- Obssessive Compulsive
- Quality Control
- Supervisor
- Leaders
- Assistant to a leader
- Center of the universe
- The "observer"
- Nerve of the company
There's still a lot of terms to associate to control, but they only have one goal - to choke out the remaining gas in your body - and yes, that's include fart.
When you are in a situation that you're working with people would want to be in control, then you are in very big trouble. They would always want to check what you're doing. They would dread that you're not being participative even though you just missed a fraction of the instructions that the person has mentioned. In so many ways, these "control hogs" can gain control like the Persian conquerors that they can eventually swarm over your comfort zone and gain your place to be their place.
Of course when that happens, you are now considered as a living dead and you will eventually become a slave of what you used to own. These "control hogs" are of course not really hard to torment. There are a variety of ways that you can do in order to overcome the relentless assault of these predators:
1. Again, poker face is the key. They wouldn't know where they will attack. They won't even know if the person is becoming frustrated or being happy with the instructions they are imposing.
Take into consideration the ratio: Level of your Frustration over the Level of Satisfaction of the Tormentor. The more you become frustrated, the more the control hogs would be energized.
2. Follow the instructions...that you like. This would simply mean - get the best details that you can use to turbo boost your career and trash out those that are stressful for your way. Remember, you have to take things your way, not their way. The reason you reached this reading is because you are now somehow a "smart guy" who knows what practical or not.
3. If there's a conflict of interest on some of the instructions on #2, do #1.
Keep in mind that control hogs will always feast on something that they can take over. These people are mistakenly known to be quality-oriented and excellent individuals, but they are simply getting on to fix mistakes which will make them look good, when it means that those mistakes by another person will always make the person (control hogs) who fixed it look good, when the person who fixed it just patched a little piece of what the previous person took hard to accomplish only to have an add-on by another person for them to look good. And of course, that gives them the great image and privilege to be in control. And you should be confused by this point because I don't want you to be in control of what I've written.
Just don't get yourself doomed.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
How to show your talent?
Showing your talent is probably one of the hardest things to do in the realm called office. It's either of the two things:
1. You have the talent but it's always overshadowed by
2. Non-talented that has a good talent in yanking, whining, dramatizing, and kissing asses.
And you will notice on performance evaluation that you have been degraded to become the most useless individual to have been ever employed in your realm called office. The people in number 2 is actually good at the following:
1. Timing
2. And Perseverance to write the "last laugh" emails making that person smarter than you are.
The next thing you'll know, the person has already taken over your position, or could have bragged about what you've done and what another teammate from another cubicle in a "generalized" way, but centralizing all the achievements to himself. Most likely, you'll just receive some 50 pats at the back, while he receives a higher salary, a good administrative (because he is useless) position, or a leadership position because he is just too better than you did.
I'm sure the reason you reached up to this is because you are talent #1 above, and you are so frustrated why #2 has taken over you. And if you're #2, you will feel that you are #1, but you are doing the next section's #1 and #2 to become #1.
So how do you become successful? There's only one genuine thing that is effective. Surround yourselves with #3 - dead people. That will surely make you always #1.
1. You have the talent but it's always overshadowed by
2. Non-talented that has a good talent in yanking, whining, dramatizing, and kissing asses.
And you will notice on performance evaluation that you have been degraded to become the most useless individual to have been ever employed in your realm called office. The people in number 2 is actually good at the following:
1. Timing
2. And Perseverance to write the "last laugh" emails making that person smarter than you are.
The next thing you'll know, the person has already taken over your position, or could have bragged about what you've done and what another teammate from another cubicle in a "generalized" way, but centralizing all the achievements to himself. Most likely, you'll just receive some 50 pats at the back, while he receives a higher salary, a good administrative (because he is useless) position, or a leadership position because he is just too better than you did.
I'm sure the reason you reached up to this is because you are talent #1 above, and you are so frustrated why #2 has taken over you. And if you're #2, you will feel that you are #1, but you are doing the next section's #1 and #2 to become #1.
So how do you become successful? There's only one genuine thing that is effective. Surround yourselves with #3 - dead people. That will surely make you always #1.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)