If there were any shenanigans and mole-looking species in the realm called office that would ruin your day, then those would be the assholes and the ass-kissers. If you've worked for centuries, then you should've encountered those two special kinds of creatures.
They are very hard to conquer because they have all the styles in the world to own you and proliferate. Even during the prehistoric ages, assholes and ass-kissers already existed. I'm quite sure that before the wheel has been invented, a butt-looking, goat worshiper, and ass-kissing creature has been following the one who have led the invention of the wheel. As you can see, the wheel has been invented in Mesopotamia, but I'm theorizing otherwise, because there could be an asshole historian who could've reversed history that instead of the Chinese (who should have the most number of people in the world) have already mass produced the wheel during that time. Now me, acting the role of the asshole has reversed history, and if nobody had a basis or cultural bureaucratic press release to follow, then my history should have been what's being used now.
Either way, before the wheel has been invented and subsequently reinvented, a lot of assholes and ass kissers have played big roles to either:
1. Conquer the works of others
2. Delay the delivery
3. Make themselves look good
In the realm called office, these blood sucking individuals are really great at number 3. They just make themselves look very good. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, they should always have the last word. The email that they should be sending should be something that dictates a command. They should've used a lot of jargon that only their insensible community would understand and even the geeks sitting right beside you won't even comprehend.
The ultimate talent of these individuals should be acting. You cannot be a successful asshole if you don't know how to be irate or stealer of someone's accomplishment by saying the last few sentences of someone who constructed the complete thoughts into it. You cannot be a successful ass kisser if you won't know how to act as if you'll always kiss the ground and scrub your lips to the ground while your boss is walking around and at the very spur of the moment when the wind just stopped breezing, you just cried in awe - "boss, i just knew how to tie a knot!".
Moreover, these individuals have great timing. Notice your alien office mates who are always on "leadership discussions", basically they are talking of nothing or something that could be finished in 5 minutes, but they discuss in 1 hour. But why are they existing there? It's because of good timing. A good asshole represents a very timely person. Never did they miss an everyday conversation to look busy, while you are having climbing your way to score to your long paragraphed checklist of things to do.
Of course, assholes and ass kissers should be very creative to do all these, but while they are streaking on their way to make your life miserable, I can give you a few tips to make them pee in their pajamas everyday:
1. Never anyone can beat a poker face. Poker face is king!
2. Slam your desk every now and then. Try to put some intervals - like every 10 minutes. That will make you very intimidating that even the a-holes a-kissers won't even mind to bother you or put you to a slander
3. Speak to them with one-liner statements. Like, "Yes", "Alright", "K". That will wreak havoc in their brains not knowing where is your weakness. They won't even know what your emotions are if you combine this with number 1.
Be creative on stumping these creatures
Monday, August 15, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Being In Control
Being in control
Sometimes you'll feel that you're heart is being squeezed up to the point that you've noticed that your blood pressure is going high up the cylinder and the next last thing you'll know is that you're being controlled.
There are employees in the realm called office that would always want to be control.Take the terms:
- Obssessive Compulsive
- Quality Control
- Supervisor
- Leaders
- Assistant to a leader
- Center of the universe
- The "observer"
- Nerve of the company
There's still a lot of terms to associate to control, but they only have one goal - to choke out the remaining gas in your body - and yes, that's include fart.
When you are in a situation that you're working with people would want to be in control, then you are in very big trouble. They would always want to check what you're doing. They would dread that you're not being participative even though you just missed a fraction of the instructions that the person has mentioned. In so many ways, these "control hogs" can gain control like the Persian conquerors that they can eventually swarm over your comfort zone and gain your place to be their place.
Of course when that happens, you are now considered as a living dead and you will eventually become a slave of what you used to own. These "control hogs" are of course not really hard to torment. There are a variety of ways that you can do in order to overcome the relentless assault of these predators:
1. Again, poker face is the key. They wouldn't know where they will attack. They won't even know if the person is becoming frustrated or being happy with the instructions they are imposing.
Take into consideration the ratio: Level of your Frustration over the Level of Satisfaction of the Tormentor. The more you become frustrated, the more the control hogs would be energized.
2. Follow the instructions...that you like. This would simply mean - get the best details that you can use to turbo boost your career and trash out those that are stressful for your way. Remember, you have to take things your way, not their way. The reason you reached this reading is because you are now somehow a "smart guy" who knows what practical or not.
3. If there's a conflict of interest on some of the instructions on #2, do #1.
Keep in mind that control hogs will always feast on something that they can take over. These people are mistakenly known to be quality-oriented and excellent individuals, but they are simply getting on to fix mistakes which will make them look good, when it means that those mistakes by another person will always make the person (control hogs) who fixed it look good, when the person who fixed it just patched a little piece of what the previous person took hard to accomplish only to have an add-on by another person for them to look good. And of course, that gives them the great image and privilege to be in control. And you should be confused by this point because I don't want you to be in control of what I've written.
Just don't get yourself doomed.
Sometimes you'll feel that you're heart is being squeezed up to the point that you've noticed that your blood pressure is going high up the cylinder and the next last thing you'll know is that you're being controlled.
There are employees in the realm called office that would always want to be control.Take the terms:
- Obssessive Compulsive
- Quality Control
- Supervisor
- Leaders
- Assistant to a leader
- Center of the universe
- The "observer"
- Nerve of the company
There's still a lot of terms to associate to control, but they only have one goal - to choke out the remaining gas in your body - and yes, that's include fart.
When you are in a situation that you're working with people would want to be in control, then you are in very big trouble. They would always want to check what you're doing. They would dread that you're not being participative even though you just missed a fraction of the instructions that the person has mentioned. In so many ways, these "control hogs" can gain control like the Persian conquerors that they can eventually swarm over your comfort zone and gain your place to be their place.
Of course when that happens, you are now considered as a living dead and you will eventually become a slave of what you used to own. These "control hogs" are of course not really hard to torment. There are a variety of ways that you can do in order to overcome the relentless assault of these predators:
1. Again, poker face is the key. They wouldn't know where they will attack. They won't even know if the person is becoming frustrated or being happy with the instructions they are imposing.
Take into consideration the ratio: Level of your Frustration over the Level of Satisfaction of the Tormentor. The more you become frustrated, the more the control hogs would be energized.
2. Follow the instructions...that you like. This would simply mean - get the best details that you can use to turbo boost your career and trash out those that are stressful for your way. Remember, you have to take things your way, not their way. The reason you reached this reading is because you are now somehow a "smart guy" who knows what practical or not.
3. If there's a conflict of interest on some of the instructions on #2, do #1.
Keep in mind that control hogs will always feast on something that they can take over. These people are mistakenly known to be quality-oriented and excellent individuals, but they are simply getting on to fix mistakes which will make them look good, when it means that those mistakes by another person will always make the person (control hogs) who fixed it look good, when the person who fixed it just patched a little piece of what the previous person took hard to accomplish only to have an add-on by another person for them to look good. And of course, that gives them the great image and privilege to be in control. And you should be confused by this point because I don't want you to be in control of what I've written.
Just don't get yourself doomed.
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